My journey this past year. I’m sure you are wondering like most others what I am doing with my life. Where do I begin?
This past year has been one of the most rough, fulfilling, and yet surprising times in my life. I learned so much about myself I didn’t even realize I didn’t know.
If that’s even possible. Before this year, I treated myself horribly. I “made” myself take responsibility for things just to fulfill a shallow sense of self worth. I never knew I was a people pleaser and that I didn't have any boundaries. I self-sacrificed in the name of love because I didn’t know how to value myself without “doing” something, anything. I didn’t fully realize before this year that I didn’t know who I was and that I was doing a really bad job at loving the daughter God destined me to be.
It’s shocking because I fair on the side of being rather emotionally intelligent and stable. Yet the lack of identity cost me deeply. I was a people pleaser and when things didn’t go my way I turned against God and people and decided I couldn’t trust Him or anyone else to get the “job” done. I had a lack of trust in my life because I couldn’t trust God. And I very well couldn’t trust myself because I was doing a terrible job at valuing my needs, down to the most fundamental, like sleep and food. So, I was really great at torturing myself. It was a cycle of me taking on burdens that were never mine to bare, taking that responsibility, failing (because I’m human), blaming God for not taking care of me, distrusting the Lord, and then not even being able to trust myself.
Before these past nine months. I was destroying myself and I had no idea just how deep I had gone.
But that all changed. Every nook and cranny of my sore and tender heart was restored. Through lots of confusion and time - I realized that other people, even God, wasn't the problem. It was the fact that somewhere in my life, knowing or unknowing, I had partnered with the lie that I was the only one capable in all the earth to get my needs met, and everyone else's around me as well. PRAISE THE LORD that’s NOT true.
But what that mindset had done was it damaged my view of God the Father, and His beloved bride that He had surrounded me with. It was as if I expected disappointment from people, because all I could muster in my weak “strength” was disappointing even myself. I projected all my pain, and insecurity on others and pointed fingers at God asking “WHY ME?!” “Why am I suffering..why am I the one who always get hurt and is never taken care of?”
I played the victim like an expert.
I believed I was poor because I chose to see that God wasn’t for me.
I doubted provision and goodness in my life because of what had not been previously present in my life. Things like abundance, a father, and self-esteem.
I thought I was abandoned before I even understood I was bought in-full by the blood of Jesus.
I was overwhelmed and anxious all the time, believing I was alone and that no one understood me.
I didn’t believe God really had a good plan for my life because I didn’t believe I was good enough for it.
I believed all these things before attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry because I didn’t believe I was valuable enough to Jesus for Him to die for me. It makes me weep even now, thinking back to my views of myself before understanding God’s love for me - His proud Fatherly goodness that oozes out unconditional love like I’ve never understood.
But that all changed because I was shown His radical love day in and day out for the past 9 months. I think the thing I grew in the most was realizing I am a Daughter.
I am HIS. And that is the greatest calling I could ever ask for.
That had been robbed from me since day one. Never knowing my father left an empty void that I filled with being an anxiety ridden people pleasing machine. I was transformed one day when I actually heard God say to me, “Amy, I love you.” Louder than the worship music playing, I heard it echo through all parts of my being. I had always had someone else tell me God loved me, or Jesus loves us…but to feel like an orphan for so long, to feel rejected and useless to everyone around you, to feel misplaced and misunderstood from a young age, like you had nowhere to belong….and then in a moment, know exactly where you belong, to who you belong to, and who you are all because of love, is a miracle.
To know you are loved by the Father changes you from an orphan to an adopted heir in His kingdom.
That shift in my identity shaped the rest of my year. And the rest of my life…
As a donor and supporter through this year, you helped make this possible. Without your financial contributions this massive breakthrough in my life may have been delayed for who knows how long! And I am grateful, everyday, for this breakthrough and restoration of myself.
Which is why I have chosen to attend the BSSM second year in the fall. I believe there is more. I have been through some massive inner healing and transforming of my mind, but I know God has more. For all of us. If you partnered with me this you, this breakthrough is yours too. And even if you didn’t, freedom is still yours to grasp.
It’s been hard to put into words what’s happened to me this year and why I’ve decided to stay another year instead of work full time. But basically, I feel the Spirit leading me further into developing my leadership. That is what second year is all about.
Here’s the bottom line:
- The second year program starts September 2nd and costs $4,400 again like last year.
- I have an incredible new job at a program called Compass, where I am a client services specialist and I work one-on-one with adults with developmental needs. It’s the most fulfilling job I’ve never held! It’s a perfect lead into Marriage and Family Therapy for me, especially since I want to work with families who have children with disabilities. This job has allowed me to pay for almost half of my tuition! Praise God!
- I still need help in raising funds for the rest of my tuition (about $2,500) and again for my mission trip later in the year.
How to partner with my dreams again:
- go to www.ibssm.org then press the “give” button and type in my full name Amy Rich for the BSSM 2ND year program
- send cash or check to 909 Partridge Dr. Redding, CA 96003
- if none of these options work for you let me know and we can work something out…
Anything helps, and really, your donation does not go in vain even though it is not tax deductible!
I have heard, seen, and read countless testimonies of the miracles and the goodness of God that I am convinced is for you and for me. So please, send your prayer requests to me and I would love to pray for you!
From my experience, there’s just no telling what God will do when we come to Him, believing He is good, He is for us, and He wants to encounter us.
Thank you for reading about my journey and thank you for partnering with God to make this all possible! Please prayerfully consider contributing before September to ensure a “paid-in-full” 10% tuition mark down, too!
Massive LOVE, Massive Blessings!
Amy